8 Respectful Chinese Idioms for Condolences & Sympathy

Learn new through studying old

Literal: Review old know new

Confucius, in the Analects: 温故而知新，可以为师矣 — one who warms (温) the old (故) and thereby knows (知) the new (新) is fit to be a teacher. 温 is the word for reheating food, so the image is of returning to what you already have rather than acquiring more. The claim is specific and quite demanding: review alon...

Weigh it before you move

Literal: Think three times then act

This one comes from the Analects, on Ji Wenzi, who thought (思) three times (三) before acting (行). The passage is usually quoted as praise, but Confucius's actual response was dry: twice is enough. The idiom therefore recommends something its source gently mocks — deliberation past the point of usefu...

Gather wisdom from many

Literal: Gather thoughts wide benefit

Zhuge Liang wrote to his staff that the purpose of a joint office was 集众思，广忠益, to gather the many thoughts and broaden the loyal benefit; the four-character form condenses it to gathering (集) ideas (思) in order to broaden (广) the advantage (益). Coming from a chancellor who could simply have issued o...

Stay humble and open

Literal: Empty heart like valley

The Daodejing describes the man of old as being, among other things, open as a valley. A chest (怀) held empty (虚) like (若) a valley (谷) takes in whatever comes down into it, and the emptiness is a capacity rather than a lack. Chinese moral vocabulary is consistent about this: the chest is where tole...

Instant friendship

Literal: Canopies tilt, like old friends

倾盖 is what happens when two carriages stop alongside on the road and their canopies tilt toward one another — the drivers have paused to talk. Zou Yang, writing from prison, set it against its opposite: 白头如新，倾盖如故, some go grey together and remain strangers, others tilt their canopies once and are ol...

Remember your roots

Literal: Drink water think source

Yu Xin, writing in the sixth century, put it as 落其实者思其树，饮其流者怀其源 — who eats the fruit thinks of the tree, who drinks from the stream remembers its source. The four-character form keeps the second half: drink (饮) the water (水), think (思) of the source (源). It concerns debts owed rather than gratitude ...

Learn from the worthy

Literal: See worthy wish equal

Confucius in the Analects: seeing (见) a worthy man (贤), think of (思) matching him (齐) — and seeing an unworthy one, turn inward and examine yourself. The second clause is normally left off and is the sharper half, since it makes every encounter instructive regardless of who you meet. What the phrase...

Maintain perfect integrity despite temptation

Literal: Sit in lap not disorderly

Liuxia Hui, caught outside the city gate on a freezing night, is said to have sheltered a woman who would otherwise have died, holding her (坐怀) inside his robe until morning without the slightest impropriety (不乱). The story is told about him rather than by him, and it became the standard Chinese dem...